From: Madelaine Lucy Hanson
It must suck for you, right now, lads. There’s almost no movement advocating for you that isn’t incredibly toxic, exploitative, and misogynistic, and everyone seems to be trying to sell you a course, coin, work out, or protein powder while screaming about how hard life is going to be for you if you don’t. The ugly side of capitalism has reared its head and the first chomping bite is coming out of you. You need to have a six pack and you need to be gentle. You need to protect women but you need to understand they don’t need you. You need to lose your virginity but you also need to be terrified of getting a girl pregnant or you’re the worst person ever. I know you must feel like we hate you. I know reading ‘men are trash’ stuff must be horrible when you’re just trying to be a good guy and get on in life. So here’s what my advice is, as a young woman who has successfully fought through school, college, and work, and grown up around young men facing the same issues as you.
But if you read nothing else here; as a feminist, I do not hate you. At all.
1. Find yourself a real life male role model
No, not a celebrity, not a media personality, not a character, and definitely not an influencer. That’s not someone you can emulate. I’m talking a real, adult, man in your daily life. Someone you can regularly go to for advice, for opinions, and for their thoughts on the world. This shouldn’t be someone who is the most powerful person you can find; believe me, they are some of the most miserable men on the planet, and I can say that as someone who knows celebrities and rich men through my work. Find a man you really think is a good person, who has healthy, long term relationships with women, can hold down a job, and tries to lead a good and ethical life. Those men are gold-dust. My grandpa is praised to this day, forty years on, for being a great male role model who preached effort, respect, honesty, and relentless kindness to his sons. Was he a billionaire? No. He ran a local construction company. But he was everything good about a working class man and many young men emulated him. Find the man you want to become and life will be way, way easier for you. Obviously if you are a minor, make sure your parents are aware, have checked them out, and have consented.
2. Find self worth is something you can realistically do
I’ll be honest with you; if you’re a 17 year old boy reading this, you’re probably not going to make a fortune in crypto and buy six Lotus sports cars this year. Not because you’re dumb, not because you’re not motivated, but because you’re young. Experience and years and years of hard work is what makes you successful. Most young entrepreneurs crash and burn their first two to three businesses, and that’s totally fine. Learning is everything. I know stuff at 28 I would never have understood at 18. You’re not a loser for working as a barista and attending high school, you’re totally normal. Don’t fall for get-rich-quick scams. Instead, build something. Make something. Get a job this summer on a building site. Learn first aid. Sign up to help out with emergency aid for hurricane season. Ask to volunteer at your local nature reserve or animal shelter. When you save an animal’s life, when you learn how to wire a house, and when you get really good at self defence, your self esteem will rocket. You’ll be unhappy if you sit in a basement staring at your computer. Find self worth doing something real, lasting, and permanent; you won’t have the time when you’re in your thirties. And you know what? Those skills and memories will be with you for life. A real man doesn’t join an MLM, he joins his community.
3. Absolutely don’t worry about girls being attracted to you yet
I’m a good-looking gal. I get asked out all the time. And you know what? It was a joke to ask me out at high school. It was funny. You would have been mocked for liking me. I was the freaky tall girl who had weird dark frizzy hair and big staring eyes. I was a nerd. I was so, so unpopular. I remember crying and crying when I was about 15 because boys thought I was ugly. Nothing hurt more. I desperately wanted to be kissed, held, wanted. I sort of gave up on it. And then, wham, out of nowhere, I grew up and suddenly, I was around men who adored me. Men who didn’t just want to bang me, but wanted to talk to me, listen to me, walk all evening with me. In fact, more and more men are into me every year. I’m way prettier now than I ever was at 18. What changed? I just grew up. You’re going to be way, way more attractive to girls as you grow out of your awkward teen phase and further and further into a confident young men. I know guys who lost their virginity at 25 and are now 30 and very desirable. Men are at their hottest for us at about 30–50. So don’t worry if hot Becky doesn’t like you at college. It’s such a non-issue. The more you obsess over it, the more bitter and weirder you’ll get. Get on with your school work, pass your course, be friendly, and it’ll probably work out fine. And I promise you; girls are just as terrified about boys not wanting them either. I certainly was.
4. Totally switch off hateful online rubbish
No, I’m not trying to destroy you’re masculinity and emasculate you; if you want to go chop down trees or learn judo, go for it. But these men trying to sell your courses, coins, and books are not your friends. They don’t want you to be well adjusted and happy, they want you to be so desperate and lonely that you’re going to buy their next protein shake, next self-help guide, and crypto coin. That’s what they want. They call you losers behind your back. The more lonely you are, the more time you will spend watching their videos and making them money. It’s all fake anyway; the cars are rented, the yachts are someone else’s, and the girls are paid actors and models. Do you really think a millionaire would decide to spend all his time selling courses on TikTok? Come on dude. Honestly, you’ll be a billion times more successful if you attend college, work hard, and try to make friends with some women. I don’t really know why entirely, but there is something so, so much more attractive about a guy with female friends. He instantly becomes more trustworthy, reliable, and safe! I constantly had crushes on men in my friend group.
5. Understand that red pill/black pill rubbish is a fantasy
Straight out the gate; you’re almost definitely not going to marry a virginal housewife and live in a massive 5 bedroom house with three kids by the time you’re 30. No one is. That’s not real life. You’d have to be earning about £250,000 a year to support that lifestyle and I mean if you really, really scrimp and save. 85% of women work now, and that includes mothers. We’re also just not getting married to the first man we sleep with; that would be fucking weird and a really, really bad idea. Very obviously, to anyone with a brain, 18 year old Madelaine is a very different person to 28 year old Madelaine.
Who I liked at high school is just not who I would ever marry at 28. This doesn’t make me a whore, a slut, spent, unaccountable, or run through; I would just fundamentally be miserable if I was married to the man I lost my virginity to. I loved him very much at the time, and I was with him for years, but I was a teenager. I was still doing homework. I went off to university, worked in the city, and developed my own business. I used to eat pizza in the park; now I have suppers with art dealers and attend writing salons and economic conferences. The man I marry won’t be getting me when I’ve decided to stop having hot sex with everyone else; he will be the man I respect the most, honour the most, and want the most. The man I want to spend the rest of my life with. The man I want to father my children. It’s called growing up. You’re not going to be a 100% provider; that world is gone. I’m not going to be 100% a nurturer; that world is gone. And honestly? Thank god. Imagine marrying a submissive, gentle, uneducated virgin at 18 and she turns into me ten years on. Yikes.
As for the whole 6ft thing, six packs, or your dick size? The more you obsess over it, the worst it’s going to be, lads. My beloved Papa managed to get not one but three wives (married my mother last and that one has worked for thirty years, so don’t panic) and was the college stud by all accounts. He is easily about my height. He’ll tell you he’s 5ft 10, but I’m not 5ft 10 by any ruler. He has a massive nose too and tufty hair. But he’s incredibly charismatic, charming, and cunning as a fox. I know you’re surrounded by loads of stuff telling you women only care about looks, but it’s just not reality. We’re just big monkeys, lads. If you’re a nice enough monkey, you’ll find a nice enough monkey. If nothing else, the Chad monkeys cheat on us and are mean to us and we’re not a fan of that. Work on being a decent bloke. I’m absolutely confident men who have ‘won’ and settled down in your life are not all 6–6–6. Talk to them.
You really will be ok. I promise.
