I’m Refusing to Allow My Daughter’s Biological Mom to Meet Her

The initial step is to engage in assertive communication with all parties involved. The goal is to come to an agreement, prioritizing the child’s well-being above all else.
That said, when Erica became pregnant, both she and your son were teenagers and unprepared for parenthood, leading them to agree to the adoption. However, their circumstances have since changed, as they are now adults who may have a different perspective on the situation. Understanding their long-term intentions is important beyond just “visiting” or “meeting” the child.
We also acknowledge your apprehension about revealing the adoption to your daughter. We understand your desire to shield her, but given the involvement of multiple parties, it’s crucial to have this conversation with her before anyone else does. If she were to learn about it from someone else, the potential consequences could be more severe, possibly leading to negative emotions towards both her biological parents and you.
- Although we can’t pinpoint the specific causes behind your daughter’s current emotional challenges, it’s worth considering that adopted children may often experience emotional distress related to their separation from their birth mothers, even if they were adopted as infants. The nine months spent in their mother’s womb create an initial bond and connection. Separation at birth can leave lasting emotional imprints. Acknowledging this situation and promoting open communication can significantly assist the child in coping with their emotions during this time.
- While your daughter may share physical similarities with you, given that she is your own son’s biological child, this might not be enough to stop her from having suspicions and internally questioning the situation. Factors like the age difference between you and the other parents or comments from other children or people in your circle could potentially confuse her and prompt a barrage of questions.
To help children comprehend and integrate the concept of adoption naturally, experts advise initiating conversations around the ages of 5 or 6. Subsequently, as questions emerge, they should be addressed candidly, using age-appropriate explanations. Here are some of the reasons why it’s crucial and beneficial for children to be informed about their adoption situation:
- Children have a fundamental right to be acquainted with their life narratives. Keeping this information from them can deny them a portion of their identity, along with essential details about their genetics, social background, and ethnicity.
- Children require a dependable and trustworthy family to rely on. If their own family deceives them or keeps information from them, it can lead to feelings of isolation and a sense of not being understood.
- Handling the subject in a natural manner is crucial for their emotional growth. It enables them to comprehend and articulate their thoughts and emotions, all while receiving empathy and affection from those nearest to them.